Learn to Love

I’ve recently started writing a new book in which my main character was once burned by love and now doesn’t trust most other people. I actually drew inspiration for my main character from two young women who are very close to me: my younger sister and my younger "play" sister. Both young women spout on about they can’t (or aren’t willing to) trust any members of the male sex. Then I have another girlfriend who is convinced that her life will not be complete unless she finds (or I find one for her) a man.

And for someone like myself who is (I’ve been accused) a hopeless romantic but happily single, the trend is disturbing. The phrase is "I can do bad all by myself." I live by it, I believe in it. There is no point in my putting up unnecessary drama brought to me by some knucklehead who doesn't understand that I have a value beyond diamonds.

Why do we do it? Why is it that we allow the issue of being coupled up to make or break our sense of worth?

Is it that we need the love of someone else to validate our existence? Maybe the hardest thing about love is that before we can love anyone else or receive the love of someone else, you must love yourself. Love is…a lot of things, but one thing it is about is knowing everything about a person and loving that person anyway. But self-introspection can be a painful experience, and then you have to overcome who you are in reality to be in love with yourself to see your value after all.

How can you expect someone to see the value in you if you don't see your own value?

And so, we need to learn to love and we need to start with ourselves. Don't be afraid to just let go. Your thighs aren't too big - they're just right. Your tendency to shy away from conflict isn't a sign that you're a punk - it's a protective measure that you can master. Trust yourself in any situation. Do what makes you feel safe, accomplished, loved. By becoming your own lover, you can instruct anyone else how to best love you.

So while my two sisters have a point about trifling men, it is important to understand that not all men (or women) are trifling. Part of loving yourself is having faith that one day you will find a partner to compliment - not complete - your life. You deserve that. What you don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't love you, so wait - but don't sit by idly growing contempt for anyone who has found love. Take time to love yourself and one day you'll look up and your partner will be standing there in front of you.