This One is for Erin

It has been a minute since I posted and I’m sorry. I have neglected you – my readers and my friends in more ways than one. Now that I’ve made the decision to reclaim my life, I promise to do a better job of communicating my thoughts.

My dear friend, Erin has been hounding me to write for so long, I’m pretty sure she thinks I hate her and she is so annoying (I do…shut up!!! Just kidding. I love you and miss you dearly). And the truth of the matter is that I have been avoiding some things big time. I was clearly in denial about my job for one. I have been so fortunate up until now to at the very least appreciate my jobs and if I just never said, or thought, or acknowledged my true feelings as a punching bag for the insurance company I could make my year with no problem. Because the paycheck is nice and it is affording me a lot of stuff that I would’ve had to wait for.

But here’s the thing…I hate my job. I do. I hate my job. But if someone asked me how I liked my job, I’d answer it was a job or that it was ‘going.’ I never told anyone that I would rather be playing in a field of live mines.

And by not admitting it, it was bubbling up inside of me, coloring my many conversations with people who called me. And that can be a problem when you work in customer service.

The couple of weeks before Labor Day had me climbing the walls. Going to work was a dreaded experience and getting up out of the bed required a crane. Everyone who called was just waiting to drive me deeper into my funk. Hell! Even the people on the roads were intent on killing me. It was just time for me to pack it up and go home. It had been nice, but I had finally outgrown Louisville.

My mother is and has always been my saving grace…even when I didn’t want to hear it. She told me, under no uncertain terms, that I would return to Louisville and make my year at Humana. Intellectually, I knew I needed the money and I also knew that she didn’t want me moving back home. It’s quite difficult when two women live under the same roof when one hasn’t always been a woman if you catch my drift…but that’s another entry.

In any case I acknowledged that I hated my job on that long bus ride back to Louisville (yes, I wanted to go home that badly). I had worked out a couple of issues during those twelve hours and when I returned to work that Tuesday morning, I was refreshed and in great spirits. By acknowledging I hated my job, I had freed myself and come to a realization. I was paying my dues. I was bound for bigger things because I was paying my dues!

Paying your dues is a very important process. Of course you’re gonna hate it, because it’s the absolute bottom rung of the ladder. I didn’t get a degree in Business and therefore in a company like that I really had to start at the bottom. But my growing discontent at the bottom is gonna drive me to bigger and better things at the company or even in life. So don’t let it discourage you. Just bid your time while paying your dues and then when you get the nod to go a little higher, don’t stop. If you reach a ‘glass ceiling,’ start your own business. The opportunities are boundless. At least that’s what I’ll tell myself the next time some guy is yelling in my ear about his Viagra.