You Can Only Control Yourself

I know that I have been preaching about the power that you have as a Twentysomething and its true. Here's the exception however: you can only control your actions. You cannot control the actions of others, though some of us try our damnedest to do so.

So what does that mean? Sorry to disappoint but your interactions with other people affect only you in the way that you allow. What I mean is that you can lament over someone and demand answers until you float away on an ocean of tears - that person will not be moved if that is not their intent. You can hate on old classmate for that nasty rumor she spread about you with an intensity that matches a California forest fire - your classmate doesn't know or doesn't care.

Stop letting someone else control your emotions!

The energy you spend trying to manipulate another person's actions is energy wasted. Wasted! If I hate you, you're probably going to be upset…for a minute. And that's if you kinda like me and I spit fire a hot enough. Meanwhile, my blood pressure has gone up and I'm heated for a good couple of minutes after our confrontation. After that, every time I see you or you are mentioned in conversation, I react the same way. So then, one day I am so tired of seeing you go on about your life as if my hatred means nothing to you, that I'm plotting and scheming to make your life hell. No matter whatever it is that I plot, I've spent way more time and energy on you than you have have ever have on me.

So who looks stupid?

I know there are things in life or people in life that just gets under your skin. For that one moment, you want to hit something hard. It's human nature. The difference between those who go on about their business and those who get caught up is their reaction. Those who handle their business shake it off and walk away. They have so much on their plates that they cannot be bothered. People who get caught up do just that: they get caught up in a net that only entangles them.

We're in our twenties and just beginning our lives. There is so much to be done and so much to see and…so little time to do it. Energy spent on trying to change someone else is energy wasted and energy wasted is opportunity lost. So the next time someone pisses you off, irritates you or breaks your heart, take it on the chin and keep on marching. There is no reason for you to allow someone else to break you stride or slow you down. You've got to keep on moving.

It is Fear

Monday, I watched a movie titled "The Vernon Johns Story," starring James Earl Jones. It was very enlightening to learn that Dr. Johns was the predecessor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. at the Dexter Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. It was Dr. Johns, often described as angry, who planted the seeds of change that Dr. King so successfully watered and nurtured. It was Dr. Johns who spoke that a man who will not die for something is not fit to live. By the end of the movie, tears were streaming down my face and it wasn't because someone died. Tears were streaming down my face because Dr. Johns was willing to die so that blacks - or coloreds as they were then referred to - would not be forced to live as second-class citizens.

Johns had a wife and three young daughters when he came to Dexter. He received death threats, was arrested, had a burning cross on church grounds, and lost a friend to a police shooting. Through it all, he faced injustice with his chin stuck out and his head held high.
Commitment like that is awe-inspiring and it makes me question what is it that I would die for?

Oh, that question is one of those hard questions that one asks his or herself and may not like and true answer. I should say that I would die for Jesus Christ and I probably might say that. But if someone had a gun to my head, a la Columbine, and that someone asked me if I would die for Jesus Christ, I can honestly say that I don't know. Does that make me a horrible person? Is there anything else I would give my life for? I don't know.

And why don't we do other things in life? Why don't we believe that we can make the Olympics and live like it? Why don't we just move to where ever it is that we dream of living? Why do you stay in a relationship where you are not treated like the prince or princess you are? Why are we so intent on fitting in with others when we have been blessed with whatever it is that makes you unique?

It is fear. It is the fear that we will be alone, or that we'll fail. It is fear that what we believed was real, isn't. It is fear that we aren't deserving of the best. But the thing is that you deserve the best, however you will not get what you deserve if you never take a big risk. You'll never know how it feels to fly if you don't jump off of a cliff.

So, okay…enough preaching. I've got my shoelaces tied tight and I got my parachute on. I'll see you at the bottom of the cliff.

Happy New Years!

Welcome back to the daily grind of real life, you fellow Twentysomethings! I hope your holidays were all that you wanted them to be and more and I hope that you made realistic resolutions that have not yet been broken. I hope you got all the things you wanted for Christmas and I hope you got the rest you need to face a brand new slate.

Happy New Years!

So now its back to real life. Have you been booted from Mommy and Daddy's? Do you dread getting up and going to work in the mornings? Do you remember fondly, the years of primary school where you would have nap time and snack time? Well you know what? Its time to stop looking behind you, wishing that your life now is as it once was. For starters, all the wishing and hoping in the world will not turn back the hands of time. But most importantly, if you're looking behind you, you can't see what is ahead of you.

Trust me…I know what I'm talking about.

Living an adult and grown up life is about looking ahead and seeing the big picture. It's about planning and saving so that you can buy that house before you turn thirty. Living an adult life is about doing what you don't want to do for a little while so that you are free to do whatever it is that calls you later on.

Like, working in corporate America for awhile until you can save up enough money to move out. Like, working two jobs while you go to school so that you can afford the apartment that you have to move into because your mother kicked you out of the house. Living an adult life is going back to a hurricane-ravaged city and leaving your ill father and burdened mother so you can finish your degree (I love you and admire you for your courage). Living an adult life is moving to a city eight hours away from most of your friends and family to pursue love and find economic and emotional support despite what most of your friends think or say (You are my hero).

Living an adult life is a hard and trying journey on which you change and grow. You find out your limits, your strength and exactly what it is you will do to get what you want. Nothing is handed to you and if it is, it isn't worth it. Dream big, and dream always, because life is about loving and working. It's about winning and losing, gain and loss, love and hate and learning from every breath, heartbeat, smile and teardrop.

If you haven't yet made your New Years resolutions or if you are reconsidering the ones you made, look forward. Consider what is going to take you to your ultimate goal and set each step. Don't be afraid - be excited and jump headfirst into the new year of your adult life.