Question of the Week

Okay...this worked out well last time, so I've decided to add this portion to the blog. We will turn the Question of the Week into a forum for us to discuss and air out our stuff. Cool?

Here goes...

We talked about trusting people enough to love and I find that the majority of us have trouble trusting period. So I figured that maybe we should back it up a bit and talk about some basics.

How do you define romantic love(or love period)? And now that you've thought about it, have you ever been in love?

I'll be waiting patiently by my computer for your responses...

What About Your Friends?

Alas! The internet crickets are no longer! Last week's question brought up a lot of varied and interesting viewpoints on the subject of love. Can we ever fully understand the dreaded L-word and how we act under the influence? Probably not, but I have a feeling that the longer we have practice at it, the better we will understand love.

Ah, anyway…on with the show…

What about your friends/ Will they stand their ground/ Will they let you down again/ What about your friends/ are they gonna be low down/ Will they ever be around/ or will they turn their backs on you

When R&B supergroup, TLC released their single "What About Your Friends?" in 1992, the fearless trio not only broke down doors for girl groups but they asked an important question. People everywhere were starting to ask themselves about the type of friends they had in their lives. Most people go through life without even defining the difference between an acquaintance and a true blue, dyed-in-the-wool friend. And believe me, there is a difference.

It is an important inventory that we must take on our lives. Who are these people that we trust with our feelings, our secrets, our mess? Is this friendship a two way street? Or are you alone on a lonely highway tugging along their dead weight? Will your friend rejoice when you rejoice and sob when you sob? Or instead of sharing your triumphs and sorrows, will they whisper, point and laugh? Having the right type of friends affects your life in a very sincere way.

Of course, in order to have good friends, you must be a good friend. Again, it is important to know your definition of a friend. Basically, treat that person like you want to be treated. If you’re like me and want to be treated like the royalty you are, you know what to do.

Last week, I talked about loving yourself. Loving yourself is the basis of many other great things that are to come – you learn your true value and the respect you deserve. Loving others is the next step. By showing others how to love, you will in turn receive the love you deserve.

So make a choice and be a good friend. Once you know the true meaning of a friend, you’ll only surround yourself with the best and you won’t have to wonder about your friends…

This isn't just about me...

The last time I tried this, there were internet crickets. But this blog is about more than me running my mouth about my observations. I want to here from you. Learn from each other. Tell me I'm wrong and for me to shut up with my romance loving, dewy eyed self (I might have some news, but that's for next week...:)). So I'm going to toss a question out to you and have at it.

This week's question: While it may be true that we don't love ourselves, there are other reasons why we don't trust members of the opposite sex with our hearts. What are those reasons? Why don't we trust others?

So that's the question. Answer it. Don't answer it. I'll just listen to those internet crickets again.

Learn to Love

I’ve recently started writing a new book in which my main character was once burned by love and now doesn’t trust most other people. I actually drew inspiration for my main character from two young women who are very close to me: my younger sister and my younger "play" sister. Both young women spout on about they can’t (or aren’t willing to) trust any members of the male sex. Then I have another girlfriend who is convinced that her life will not be complete unless she finds (or I find one for her) a man.

And for someone like myself who is (I’ve been accused) a hopeless romantic but happily single, the trend is disturbing. The phrase is "I can do bad all by myself." I live by it, I believe in it. There is no point in my putting up unnecessary drama brought to me by some knucklehead who doesn't understand that I have a value beyond diamonds.

Why do we do it? Why is it that we allow the issue of being coupled up to make or break our sense of worth?

Is it that we need the love of someone else to validate our existence? Maybe the hardest thing about love is that before we can love anyone else or receive the love of someone else, you must love yourself. Love is…a lot of things, but one thing it is about is knowing everything about a person and loving that person anyway. But self-introspection can be a painful experience, and then you have to overcome who you are in reality to be in love with yourself to see your value after all.

How can you expect someone to see the value in you if you don't see your own value?

And so, we need to learn to love and we need to start with ourselves. Don't be afraid to just let go. Your thighs aren't too big - they're just right. Your tendency to shy away from conflict isn't a sign that you're a punk - it's a protective measure that you can master. Trust yourself in any situation. Do what makes you feel safe, accomplished, loved. By becoming your own lover, you can instruct anyone else how to best love you.

So while my two sisters have a point about trifling men, it is important to understand that not all men (or women) are trifling. Part of loving yourself is having faith that one day you will find a partner to compliment - not complete - your life. You deserve that. What you don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't love you, so wait - but don't sit by idly growing contempt for anyone who has found love. Take time to love yourself and one day you'll look up and your partner will be standing there in front of you.

A Spirit of Work

So today, I was hired by New York and Company as a sales associate (also formally known as Lerner's). It is a clothing company that I firmly believe in as it has been one of my favorite clothing companies for a long time that provides high quality casual and business casual attire. It has been there for me fifty pounds heavier as it is now, so I am proud to now represent the company in an official capacity.

In my search for a second part time job, I have received several favorable responses including an offer from a girlfriend who is a manager with another clothing company. As I entertained thoughts of holding three part time jobs (just for a moment. The money sounded good), I stopped by my current job to share the news with my boss at the Muhammad Ali Institute. We chatted for a while and he complimented me for my "spirit to work." He went on to say how a lot of the young people he knew had a list of jobs that they weren't willing to do, and I was sad.

Yes, it is true that I have a four year degree from a reputable university. And yes, it is true that I have professional experience. It is also true that neither my degree nor my professional experience is in retail. But I have to face facts. In today's job market, I'm lucky to have a job period, let alone a part time that pays $10/hr and allows me to do significant and meaningful work that allows me to use my varied talents. So, I'm cooking with grease to have two part time jobs that each might grow into full time opportunities as I continue to search for a full time job.

So I don't understand why my "spirit to work" is such a profound exception. I know I'm not the only one who is paying back student loans as well as other bills. No, I don't see New York and Company helping me get my writing career off the ground, save that it will allow me to pay my bills as I do things such as sit on the board of an active and well known theater company here in Louisville (see what networking will get you?). But we have to do what we have to do to get to where we want to go.

So work hard at whatever you have to do right now. Just keep your eye on the bigger picture so that one day down the line when you're sitting behind your desk, running your $100 million dollar empire, you'll realize it was because of your "spirit of work."

Mind Your Business

Sorry that this post is coming late this week. I was stage crew for "The Face of Emmett Till," and it's been a long and very emotional week. My girlfriend was rolling with me all Saturday and she went with me to the play. She had no idea of the importance of Emmett Till's death so her attendance was educational as well as entertaining. (For information on the death of Emmett Till, go to www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/till/).

But anyway, during this long and emotional week, I get a call from my meddling cousin who had picked up my grandmother along with his grandmother (my great aunt) to take to the grocery store. He calls me demanding to know what I was doing, when I was going to work and even where I worked - he would've known had he used my number for good. After rolling my eyes for a second (I am 24 after all), this man tells me that I'm wrong for not taking my grandmother to the grocery and that sometimes we have to take off from work to take care of our grandparents. He went on to say before I hung up on him that if it were him, he would have taken the keys away from the car that his uncle (my grandfather) left me.

All that's good and well and if I was the trifling granddaughter he made me sound like, he would've been correct in telling me what he did. But here's the immediate problem, I go to work almost everyday and my grandmother didn't even say anything to me about her needing to go to the grocery store. She just wanted to get out of the house and was presented with the perfect opportunity when she talked to her sister. If he had even bothered to ask, I took off from work two days before so that Granny and I could get our hair done and I paid for both. If he had bothered to ask, she had been to the grocery store earlier that week. But he didn't ask. He assumed and we all know what assuming does.

And I'm not going to put all his business on blast, but let's just say that he had no business telling me how and when to take care of my grandmother. He doesn't live in this house, he doesn't pay any of our bills and he needs to be taking care of his own business. Now, I say all of this (I'm off my soapbox): Don't look for the speck in my eye before you remove the beam from your own eye. That's just fancy talk for - Mind your business. If you meddle in other folks' business without getting the full story, you'll end up looking like a fool.

However, my cousin wasn't the only one wrong. I called my daddy full of fire about what my cousin said to me. Then, my daddy was full of fire because he doesn't like when his baby girl is upset (yeah, I'm spoiled rotten. Sue me). He asked for my cousin's number because he was going to take care of it. And I obliged because my daddy can spit hotter fire than I could and say it all in good Christian love. But as the day wore on, I realized that I wasn't minding my business - I was allowing someone else to mind my business. I called my daddy back to tell him not to call my cousin. I was a grown woman and I would handle my own business.

So this long diatribe is to say just handle your own business so you don't end up looking like a fool. It's best for everyone involved and your own business is enough for you to handle. Welcome to my reality show. :)