Finding Purpose

Okay, so I thought that being an adolescent was one of the most trying times in life, and I now see that I was wrong. It appears that transitioning between college student to an adult is also a sticky situation. Especially for one such as myself who is dreaming big but afraid to take big risks. And that's truly the problem...me being afraid to take the big risks. Its almost impossible in my line of work as a writer, so I have made the decision that it is all balls in from here on in.

And I have made a couple of decisions....

1) I will go to graduate school to get my MFA in creative writing. Not a Master's in English with a concentration in Creative Writing, but an honest to God Master's in Fine Arts. And I'm not going to some school that I can afford either. Balls in, remember? I'm applying to Brown, Columbia and the Iowa Writer's Workshop. One of my mentors told me that I am an awesome writer and I should be taught by the best.

2) I'm currently working part-time at the Muhammad Ali Institute for Peace and Justice at the University of Louisville (look it up...we're going to be doing some exciting things). And there are some things that I want to do financially, but can't because I only have one part-time job. My mom is calling for me to get a full-time job with benefits and the like. Good idea, but its not really what I want to do right now so unless I get a job offer from Humana before I find another part-time job, I will be living paycheck to paycheck and loving it. I have plenty of time to sell out to the man.

3) I'm suffering from the dreaded writer's block right now, but instead of wallowing, I'm reading like crazy. So I have made the decision to rededicate myself to writing and getting publishing credits. Not only am I going to invest more time, but I'm going to invest what little money I have and get me a new machine that will suit my needs if not my pockets. Also, I'm going to redouble my efforts of becoming a freelance writer, which means looking outside of dear old Louisville, KY (you don't understand how I need to get out of here). I'm also going to be a columnist - that is my dream and I'm going to make it a reality.

The thing is that money is a powerful thing because it clouds the big picture. If we are always concerned about how we're gonna make money, we aren't going to be able to see ahead of us what our purpose is. The blessing is that I've really known my purpose so that when I get wrapped up in money drama, I can come back to my first love, my purpose.

Diamonds y'all

So my boss came back from Africa and he was really excited about all that he learned(I swear one day, Lord willing, I'm going). He was talking about how Senegal didn't even have enough government $$$ to register every birth and even though I complain about how the US government is being run - which is my right as a citizen - I thank God that I am an American citizen. Then my boss went on to talk about how African Americans are African, but not really and how we're Americans but not really. And I got it! It made perfect sense. We are truly a unique race. My boss called us diamonds - very beautiful but only made with the most heat and pressure. What?!? It'll be sad if I leave this man for a full time job.

Speaking of diamonds, I've just got back in touch with this cat from high school who was the HNIC, you know? Three sport varsity player, all the girls wanted him and all other cats wanted to be like him. He even had one of those horribly cliched group of guy friends who followed him around. And for the most part, I kept my distance because he was mean and arrogant and I didn't have time for all that. But in the five years that I have last seen him, he's gone through God only knows and has come out the other side a mature young man. Ain't God great?

Aww man!

I done finally up and did it. I promised that I would not blog, but when I really thought about it...what kind of sense does it make that I, a writer through and through, would not have a blog? So here I am...and here you are...

I have reconnected with quite a few old classmates from high school due to this website called Facebook. I fought long and hard against it, but now I'm on it, I have learned a few lessons (thanks Michelle). 1) Five years is a long enough time for people to learn some serious life lessons. People grow up and the person you knew to be and the person they are today are different people.

2) All that bull that came between people really isn't that important five years down the line. I honestly don't remember why I wasn't friends with some people and back to lesson 1, these people aren't the same as they were in high school and neither am I.

3) Certain people come into your life for a specific purpose or time period and some people become lifelong friends. Its okay if you let go as long as you've learned something.

Anyway, Facebook has been an interesting experience. Meanwhile, seven months after college graduation, I'm still without a full-time job, but Lord I've had quite a few jobs(a classmate wrote Just Over Broke...I like that). I wanted to live the life of a self-sufficient artist, but I CAN'T WRITE!!! I can outline and write character outlines until the cows come home, but when it comes to sitting down and fulfilling that story...it ends up being erased. Its ugly.

Hopefully, blogging will help me come out of this funk(I don't use writer's block...it was created by the man to sap the energy of all artists, who are rebels).