Heeeeerrrrrrrreeeeee's Jen!!!

Welcome back as I have taken an extended break from blogging... not writing... just blogging. I have to take a moment and catch you up on a few things: I'm no longer employed by the big, evil health insurance corporation (yay!!!!), I spent a couple of months on unemployment... which was pretty cool, I am now in grad school working on my master's in teaching, and I am coming to the close of my first year of teaching. Oh! And I fell in love with a poet and now we're engaged...

Ok, I think that's it. I'll discuss my recent injury and all that entails in just a sec... I've missed you. I've missed your comments and encouragement and since I have found a couple of friends who also blog, I have come back to my blog like I've been away from home and have now returned. Hi...

I think the last time I wrote, I was miserable and in a job that I hated and that was going nowhere. Talk about a hostile work environment... I lived it. But as it is said, there's always a silver lining to a cloud and I met a good friend there, with whom I still communicate. During my stint of unemployment, I met a wonderful woman, who is now my writing mentor. I got back into school and I'm doing something that matters. I am more exhaused than I've ever been in my life and for someone who doesn't like to make decisions sometimes, I make more in a day in a classroom setting than most people make in a day. As a teacher, I have to be hyper aware of everything going on in my classroom, no matter if I have 16 or 29 kids in the classroom. I prioritize instantly and I can do it in my sleep and I am grateful for silence now. Very grateful...

This particular first year of teaching has been made extraordinary by the fact that I fell and broke my hip the day before Halloween 2008. Now... before you ask, yes... I am still in my twenties (27 in fact) and no, I do not a bone deficiency or disease. I happen to be the chick that likes to do things the extraordinary way and make a very rare break in a very awkward way at a very rare age... No wonder I had to get a lawyer for my worker's comp claim.

Everything's cool now... I'm walking (with a cane) and I have been released back to full duty. I was teaching in a wheelchair and that is a very difficult thing to do. Especially when you teach 11 and 12 year olds in middle school. And you're on narcotic pain pills... (I quit those because you CANNOT have a slow reaction time when you're in a classroom setting). Anyway, I came through all of that, and I'm still here? I just signed my contract for next year?

I think in the years that we have been away, I have found the purpose of the twenties... it is to see what you're made out of and what it is you can accomplish. A couple of years ago, I would have told you that you were crazy if you said I'd be on a cane and teaching... in middle school and still loving the experience. I would have thought that I would've been curled up in a ball in Atlanta, bawling my eyes out. But to the contrary, I have come to embody the idea that "failure is not an option."

And if failure is not an option, then that means that I can only be successful which means... watch me. I've got quite a few tricks up my sleeve.

You Should Let Me Love You

Recently, I have been spending some time with a certain young man whom I had been acquainted with for a couple of years. He’s a good guy – proof that chivalry is not dead, a true Southern gentleman. Plus, I think he’s adorable. People have often seen us together and commented on what a nice pair we make.

There’s just one problem: He’s jaded.

A couple of years ago, he was involved with a young woman whom… made him suspicious of all females. It’s always the ones like her that give women like me a bad name. She clearly didn’t felt about him the way he felt about her… something that I and a couple other friends tried to point out regularly through their couple of years long relationship. She was jealous and spiteful; clingy and unappreciative of the things she did for him. Eventually, they broke up for good and all were relieved.

But as he and I began to spend more and more time together, I could see the psychic scars that she left on him. He would ask me questions as to why the man should be expected to do this, that and the other. He doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s day. He was totally unromantic and jealous at the same time – things that made me question whether or not I wanted to spend time with him or not.

Because we have been friends for awhile, I know why he is the way he is. It’s just up to me to figure out if I have the time and patience to rehab him from his current malady.

I’m twenty five years old and while I thought I have been in love a couple of times, I can say that I have never been head over heels, bite my tongue (reference to the movie Breaking All the Rules with Jamie Foxx) kind of crazy in love. And… I want that. And I’m thinking that maybe I won’t get that from this young man, but I haven’t decided yet if its my responsibility to show him that he deserves that kind of love too.

I thought a lot about this last night because I have a girlfriend who is experiencing that kind of love right now. It’s a lot like the children’s book where the two rabbits are telling each other how much they love each other and it’s always more and bigger than the other person. And after watching my parents who have been hopelessly in love for thirty five years and others like them, I think I have figured out that is the key to having that kind of love.

One cannot protect oneself and love fully. It can’t be done. In order to have that head over hills, bite your tongue kind of crazy love, you have to be willing to fall with no safety net. If you love someone with everything you have… and that person knows what’s up, that person will love you better than you could ever love yourself.

I think that was why Mario’s song, You Should Let Me Love You is such a great song. You should let me love you/ Let me be the one to/ Give you everything you want and need/ Baby good love and protection/ Make me your selection/ Show you the way love’s supposed to be.

Now it could be argued that if I were to fall for that young man without a safety net, then he would be able to learn what love is about and return that emotion. But here’s the thing, he may never know and then I would have wasted that on him and might end up in the same mindset that he is in. The trick is knowing who that person is who is the one that should receive that love that is always bigger and more…

That I haven’t quite figured out yet.

In Today's News

Okay is it me or is the world just going crazy? There are wars going on – heck, the US is at war with everyone who dares to throw rocks at the throne. People are dying because of their ethnicity in Darfur. 44.8 million people in the US are without health care. Four young people were murdered within a week and a half in Louisville. Emmitt Smith has won Dancing with Stars. Blacks are still being called “the N-word” by celebrities (way to go, Kramer), and O.J. – oh, do I need to say anymore?

On top of all the madness (why haven’t we found bin Laden yet?) we are losing some of the greats, left and right. Within a two period, we lost Ed Bradley, Jack Palance, Gerald Levert and Robert Altman (if you don’t know, Google or Wikipedia them). That’s not to mention the loss of countless others this year that have made their mark in the world.

So what do we do?

Henry Ford said, “Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward.”

Marching onwards? Hmm…

The thing is this and I know you’ve heard it a million times already, but you can’t enjoy the sunshine without a little rain and you can’t grow taller unless you climb on the shoulders of the ones before us. Even OJ, I guess… I mean he did play a mean game of football…

So, yeah. We’ve lost some genuine heroes who have done a lot and its okay to grieve. But once we’re done grieving it is time for us to get up and march on. Be the best actor, singer, news reporter or movie director you can be. Solve world hunger. Get into a position of power to stop all this war mongering.

As one of my favorite cartoon characters – Captain Planet – said, “The future is yours!” Go make something out of it and stop mourning for those we’ve lost… and those who’ve lost their minds.